G-T-FOOB

Tonight is my last night in NYC. It's a little bittersweet. I'm just beginning to understand the City, where to go, when to go and who to go with. If I had the opportunity I would stay a few more months - or a year...or 5. But only for selfish reasons. I completely know that I am doing exactly what God wants me to do in moving to Austin and marrying Gerald. But if He sends us back to NYC...or to Chicago, or Deluth I'm ok with it. Just send me where you want me. I have learned God the Father this year -how He can be very nearly silent and ever so present.

Also, I had a lobster bisque for the first time today. It was good. That's why I love NY - so many firsts. No matter my situation, I always felt it was ok to try something new because odds are, in some way, shape or form, everyone else was too.

Overall, I'm glad I lived here. I've learned so much about myself...I need community.

About God...He's bigger than I realize

About MTA...They can go to hell.




Yeah...I said it....



$5 if you can tell me what G-T-FOOB means ;)

BRAINSTORM!!!! AHHH!

My wedding is in 41 days and with all the planning left to do I can only focus on one thing - what to rename my blog. Thus ensues the brainstorm....please leave your suggestions. His name is Gerald Bowie, mine is Amelia Doty. We have no children or pets and are often caught on camera doing embarrassing things...


GO!

Nessie

I live on the Orange Line - the F train to be specific. Sometimes I call it the Funky Train. Sometimes I call it other things that aren't so nice...I have reason to do so.

It never, never, never, EVER runs regularly on the weekends and on weekdays I usually end up standing outside waiting for it while some seasonal extreme ruins my hair, makeup and/or shoes. Then, when I finally get on the train I'm reminded of how old it is. The seats are this really groovy yellow/orange color color that forces you to imagine what may or may not have been smeared on them since 1973. Once I sit down I'm reminded of the rules:

1. No smoking
2. No transmitting brainwaves to other passengers
3. No playing of the boombox

see for yourself...


Just when I was going to light up a cigarette and play my newest Run DMC tape...shucks!

But a few months ago I saw something really surprising on the F Line. The new R142 model train (I only know this because I Googled it). It looked like they were testing service because the train was entirely empty, but my heart still skipped a beat - the F line might actually be getting an upgrade??

Let me tell you what is so great about model R142. First of all, it has an automated PA system which announces the current and next stop in a very polite lady robot voice - kinda like Rosie from The Jetsons. The alternative, found on older models, is a disgruntled MTA worker who's been trapped underground for the past 6 hours and may or may not feel feel the need to tell you where you are, where you're going or if the station attendant has forced it to make express stops. Second, it's air conditioned always! Third, it's well lit, so you can actually see the book or news paper you or your neighbor is reading. Fourth, it's a smoother, quieter ride. You don't hear the breaks squeal or grind, you take corners without feeling like you're on a rickety, old, wooden roller coaster. Fifth, the model is featured on EVERY OTHER LINE EXCEPT FOR THE ORANGE LINE. One can't help but feel like they were handed the short end of the stick. Longstory short, riding the new model train makes getting from A to B less of an annoyance.

So when I saw it again last week on the Brooklyn-bound F line (as I was headed to Manhattan), full of laughing, smiling people, I rubbed my eyes and blinked. Could I really be seeing NY Subway system's very own version of the Loch Ness Monster? Was this Nessie??? It gave me a little hope, but I considered it a fluke. And even if it was running on the F line, there was probably only one train to be shared amongst the millions of riders and the odds of me being one of them was slim to none.

Then I had my second sighting! Of course it was heading in the opposite direction - but still! Proof of better commutes to come! Then a few days later, I saw it again. This time pulling away from the station just as I was walking up. Could my wildest dreams be coming true?

So tonight, while reading and sulking because I missed my stop to go to K-Mart (classy), I heard the familiar click-clacking of the train and was pleasantly surprised when I looked up the tunnel to see a red light beaming at me. It was Nessie!!! I stood on the platform in shock as she opened her doors, welcoming me in. I stepped in, found a seat and began reading, gazing up only momentarily to view the automated progress tracker - Ditmas Ave in 8 more stops! It was like floating on a cloud...to Brooklyn.

What a lovely Sunday surprise! And aside from the old creepy man staring at me, the ride was pure bliss.

There's Nothing Interesting to Say

There's not much going on these days except for wedding/life planning...I guess those a pretty big tasks. Here are some musings and ramblings...

>I wish it would get warm already. I'm ready to wear dresses and sandals

>Yesterday I got lost in the projects. It was scary

>Gerald and I just finished chatting on IM and I miss him already. I haven't talked to him in 3 days b/c he's been working :(

> I feel like I know these two women. I watch this clip at least once a week and find myself quoting it to friends (and strangers) at least once a day.


by the way, Fran is a man (Neil Patrick Harris) - which makes the whole thing even funnier. Oh, and don't miss the nails or the ridiculous southern accents.

>Tomorrow is my best friend Katie's birthday. I wish I was there with her to help her celebrate. I think my favorite gift to her (among others) would be a prolonged hug. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

***NERD ALERT***

>I would like to take either piano or violin lessons in the next year. When I'm listening to my iPod and listening to songs with musical breaks I feel closer to God. For example, I Need You by Alicia Keys after 4:07. I could listen to that part of the song every day. Seeing her play it live was also a huge thrill for me. Also, in Alison Krauss & Union Station's Forget About It after 1:51 on the live version...pure bliss. Actually that whole song is good. Alison Krauss is good.

>My master wedding spreadsheet should be sold. It's detailed and intricate. It's perfect. It's one of my favorite things right now and if I wasn't scared of breaking it, I'd sleep with my laptop every night just to be close to my beloved spreadsheet...nerdy. I know.

>Is it ok to quote a song for my wedding vows? The second verse of You're All I Need is basically what I want to say to him on our wedding day and every other day after that...it goes like this:

Like an eagle protects his nest

for you I'll do my best

Stand by you like a tree

And dare anybody to try to move me

Darling in you I've found

Strength where I was torn down

Don't know what's in store

But together we can open any door

What do you think?

>I wish I was a web developer/artist so I could get the blog page I really want! UGH!!

I should probably go to bed now or I'll be sorry in the morn!!!!





Cool it...

Little Updates

> My birthday was Sunday 3/1. For the past 5 years I've asked God for rain on Sunday for my birthday. This year it snowed. It was the first time I'd ever experienced snow on Sunday for my birthday, but precipitation is precipitation and I loved it just the same. I also invited some very sweet co-workers out to dinn dinn for my big day. A lot of people came and I was so blessed by their presence. I even got a cake!!



>Yesterday I found out that I have to go back to the drawing board with my bridesmaid dresses...boo. We'll figure something out I'm sure, but still...boo

> Gerald and I have 73 days until we get married.

> Tomorrow I'm going to buy a pair of shoes

> I'm very very very very very very very excited to move back to Austin

That's What She Said

In case you have never met my mom, here's a brief introduction.

an actual conversation b/w Amelia & her mother...

***Amelia's phone rings***
AMELIA: hello
DORIS: hello? who did i call?
AMELIA: mommy?
DORIS: who is this?
AMELIA: Amelia!
DORIS: oh...i didn't mean to call you. did you watch barack's speech?
AMELIA: yes. did you see nancy???
DORIS: girl yes! she popped up everytime he took a breath. she betta watch out. michelle's watchin her and michelle don't play
AMELIA: ***LOL'ing***
DORIS: i'm serious! michelle will kick her ass! and who was that indian man from louisiana? they shoulda neva let him speak. i bet he puts curry in his gumbo...
AMELIA: ***still LOL'ing***
DORIS: i'm serious. did i tell you about that man who cooked curry in the kitchen at work while i was pregnant with you? OH! i can't stand indian food. oh...now i remember who i was supposed to call. aunt June! she loves barack about as much as nancy...***singing***me & mrs. pelosi! we got a thiiiiiing goin on!!! love you girl!

For my Daughter/Future Daughter-in-Law

I hope I can tell this story to my daughter or future daughter-in-law one day...it goes a little something like this...

ME: Did I ever tell you about the day that I received my wedding gown?
HER: No

***sidebar*** of course she'll say "no" because I'll be waiting for the perfect opportunity to tell this story. I've committed to keeping it quiet for the next 20 years.

ME: Well, in the weeks leading up to my wedding, I'd been fighting a sense of insecurity. It's just that I've been to a lot of really fabulous weddings. Weddings with open bars, gourmet food, prestigious chapels, popular djs...everything. Because of this I had imagined that my wedding would follow suit - even though I'd made a habit of rolling my eyes nearly everytime I received a save the date or invitation. But when my turn finally came, finding a dress was a big deal. It is for everyone, really. But somehow this turned into a mini-Soap Opera. I ordered it from J. Crew on a Friday - it was delivered to my office the following Wednesday.

***shocked look from daughter***

Yeah...I guess they're just really effecient. Anyway, I had it shipped to my office so there wouldn't be any hiccups at my apartment. For some reason I didn't trust the mail system in my Brooklyn neighborhood and I just didn't want to risk it.
HER: You lived in New York?
ME: Yes, but that's another story. Ok, so...the package arrived and suddenly, but inevitably, a bundle of nerves gathered in my stomach. I grabbed a pair of scissors, marched into the kitchen and hurriedly opened the box (which, to the unknowing delivery man may have contained a cardigan or a pair of flats). As I looked into the faces of my co-workers, a tidal wave of emotion swept over me - they were unimpressed and under-whelmed. One commented "It's just so...plain..." another said "One thing's for sure - your boobs will look great!"
HER shocked: What?
ME: Yeah...not quite the reaction I was going for and certainly not the circumstance in which I was hoping to reveal my wedding dress. I guess in my mind I had imagined having it delivered to my apartment on a Saturday, calling my mom, sister and best girlfriends and demanding their presence - one would even bring champagne. I'd emerge from my room to an intimate audience and everyone would oohh and ahhhh. They would compliment the dress and my mother, with tears in her eyes, would say "That. Is. The. Perfect. Dress.". Maybe we'd go to dinner or lunch afterward - it would be a wonderful day. But instead I got blank stares and at the end of the day, when the office janitor came, he reached under my desk, shook the box and asked if it was trash.
HER grimacing: Ouch...
ME shrugging: I left the office, got on the train, got home, tried it on, hung it up and committed to losing a few more pounds.
HER sympathetically: Awwww...
ME: Yes...I say all this to say I pray that other weddings and wedding preparations have not tainted your image of what a wedding is supposed to be. Just honor the Lord in it all and everything will be lovely - besides that, no one is going to tell you that you look bad at your wedding. At least not to your face...

Me & My 8th Grade Self

Toward the end of elementary school I began developing crushes like most other girls. My first was harmless. His name was Courtney. He was very much like me - brown eyes, a little silly and a bit over-weight...

Just a bit...

After realizing that my grand gestures of love and devotion were not working (i.e. wearing my mom's foundation, wearing softee's shorts under my uniform skirt and mastering tae kwon do), I moved on...and up. Seeing as how I was a teenage, African-American female living in the suburbs circa 1996 the obvious choice for me was Tyson Beckford. He was tall, dark, handsome and therefore justifiable. And even though I had convinced myself that he and Tyra Banks were dating (they had to be. At the time there were an outrageous number of Planet Hollywood's opening worldwide - they were bound to run into each other), I still loved him and was willing to watch their alleged romance blossom from afar.

As the years rolled on and I went from nerdy RHS freshman to a Senior Stingerette, my love for Tyson waned and a full moon for N*SYNC and Abercrombie & Fitch rose.

But you never forget your first love...

And that is why when I went to my very first NYC Fashion Week show I nearly shat myself when Tyson STRUTTED HIS FINE SELF ONTO THE RUNWAY!! See video below:




The man is dang near 40 and doesn't look a day over 25. The entire crowd went wild when he came out for the first time, which leads me to believe I was not the only girl to have a crush on the man...shucks...

Either way the entire night was fun and we ended up partying at The Plaza Hotel with industry big-wigs. Even Solonge Knowles stopped by to drop a few tunes (to which I busted some of my signature dance moves).


Overall it was a great way to kick off Fashion Week!!

God Goes Digital

Did you know God's a blogger? Well, He is. And He will read your blog, too. Here's what happened...

After I finished my blogging on Saturday night I decided I'd file my taxes. Luckily I found my 2007 taxes while digging through a box of books, trinkets and old mail (how did I get that subscription of Shape, again??). After breezing through the H&R Block system, I came to the important part - the grand total! Looks like Uncle Sam was feeling generous, so I'll get a nice little refund!

On Monday (less than 48 hrs after my blog), my mother was offered a job. 15 miles from the house and with a group of people she really enjoys.

On Tuesday after community group (less than 72 hours after my blog), I found out one of the other group members lives a block away from my apartment.

The Man is quick and I am foolish for my disbelief. Thank you Jesus.

Seeing is...???

Have you ever dealt with enormous amounts of disbelief? I'm seriously having a "Are there you, God" moment/week/month/year. I want to hear from Him, but I swear I never hear anything. I ask for friends in New York and have yet to make a connection with someone who will actually call me on the weekend. I stay in my room all Saturday and Sunday emerging only for a glass of water. The most social interaction I have is looking at everyone else's Facebook updates...

Jenna is having dinner with friends.
Leslie is ready for a fun night with friends.
Janet enjoyed the day with her son.
Enisha is in Paris with her best friends

Well, Amelia wants to jump out of a plane...parachute-less. I do...

Why develop an "NYC Bucket List" when no one cares to see me check those things off? I'd almost rather drown in a bucket than walk the Brooklyn Bridge, dine in Chinatown, shop in SoHo or people watch in Central Park by myself. I ask for financial and emotional relief for my mother, yet she's still job-less after 8 months. I ask for guidance for my wedding, but now I may not even have centerpieces and best of all, I get to do my hair myself. All arbitrary stuff, but still important to some degree. I wanted the day to be special. I wanted it to stick out from the rest. I wanted to dance with my husband in a beautiful white dress but now I might as well call it all off and tell everyone to meet me at Luby's. At least they have centerpieces.

Do I build an altar in His name? Perhaps I'll draw some attention if the fire is big enough, He'll see me out of the corner of His eye and scribble on his palm "Talk to Amelia, 5pm". Here's to hoping He doesn't wash His hands.

Even if there was an altar, it'd probably be struck down because according to obscure book, verse 4:8-9, you should only build your altar with these materials, with this heart and at this time of day...ugh! I guess I missed small group the week we memorized that verse. Maybe I should stand at the top of The Empire State Building, start my fire and yell His name from there. I'd be arrested for sure but at least I'd have some social interaction.

I'm told to be faithful. I'm told that I get Christ.

What. Does. That. Mean.

I want to brag on YOU! I want a reason to say "LOOK! World! Look how great my God is!! Look at the amazing thing He did!!!!!" But I feel like I'm doing this whole life thing on my own anyway. Lord, please come rock my world (population 1) and let me know You hear me. Let me know You exist.

Prayer Request

Please pray for me and my fiance Gerald as we plan our wedding. There are so many details that could cause a lot of stress in the next few weeks and months but we are believing that the Lord will work out every detail in His unique way. Please also pray that we don't allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by and victims of our expectations of what a wedding is - we just need to Lord to show up and be pleased by our union. Also (again...sorry), I know I'm having some clarity issues about life after "I do". There just is no clear answer, so we really need a word from God. If you can pray that it's on a billboard with blinking lights addressed to me, that would be helpful.

Thanks...

I Don't Wanna!!!

This is near impossible...this whole engagement thing. First of all, there are too many variables going on right now and it seems like there is no solution to any problem. For instance, Gerald and I live in different cities, therefore making any joint-planning efforts unimaginably difficult. Not to mention the fact that he and I have different perspectives on weddings, which we so lovingly spike in each other's face whenever a bright idea finds it's way into a conversation. Even if that weren't the case we can't come to a clear direction when it comes to a budget and you gotta have one of those - no question about that! I can just see it now...

"Ohh!! ***Insert friend name*** I'm so glad you came! Are you enjoying the cake? We weren't sure if we wanted to go with Little Debbies or Twinkies, but judging by the crumbs on your face I think the Little Debbies were the right choice!"

Ugh! It's becoming such a challenge to enjoy this time that God has given us. It should be a joy to plan our futures together but all I've run into in the past 3 weeks is stress and tears. I don't wanna plan a wedding...

Another challenge I'm facing is sharing engagement. "Engagement Season" is in full swing and everyone is gettin' all ringed-up. I just want to sit on the floor with my arms crossed and scream "IT'S MY TURN!!!" Maybe that's a little selfish, but I feel like I've waited for soooooooo stinking long for this. That I've walked, crawled, run and stumbled my way through a zillion different relationships and life stages - each one with its own set of lessons, disappointments and deep wounds. It's hard for me to be excited for others when I feel like if I ever deserved anything at all it would be to be the sole possesser of great news for a 6 to 12 month period of time. I don't wanna share...I just don't...


Am I completely off base with this? Am I crazy??

Dear Google...

Dear Google,

I really feel like our relationship has hit a rocky patch. Monday you told me it was going to be partly cloudy with highs in the upper 40s when in fact it was one of the coldest days of my life. I walked 5 blocks and couldn't feel my toes anymore! Then today you told me it was going to be mostly cloudy with highs in the 20s. You were right about the clouds, but it actually felt like 80 - even at night. I just want you to you know that I trust you infinitely and I believe that you really are the world's most powerful search engine, I just want you to give it to me straight. I promise I won't search in Yahoo! or MSN anymore - and you know I never liked that terrible excuse for an engine called Ask.com. You're my one and only. So please, can we just let by gones be by gones and get back to the way we were?

Missing you,

Amelia

Love Potion No. 9

Welp...in case you haven't heard, I'm engaged. I am very excited :) There's a reason it's taken me nearly a week to write this blog post and it is this:

Every version of the story that I tried to write made our relationship and Gerald's proposal seem pretty lame. It was just too straightforward. I personally like some spice, an unexpected twist here and there, maybe some colorful characters or new vocabulary. But there was none! All I could write was "We were doing this...then this happened...then this happened...then that happened...blah blah blah". It just really didn't reflect our hearts, who we are or our relationship. So I'm going to try to explain this as "spicily" as possible, but please know, you really need to see us in action to understand our relationship more.

Let me give some background on me...if you knew me in college, and I mean really knew me, you knew that deep down I didn't love myself or trust men. I had been in relationships prior to Gerald and through them I began to believe that I was unlovely, damaged goods and not worth the effort of genuine love - thus I behaved as such. When I moved to Austin after graduation from Tech I didn't know what to expect.

When Gerald and I met at a church singles event in October 2006, I didn't expect to begin dating him.  We met as we were selecting songs for the karaoke contest - oddly enough I sang "Love Potion No. 9". At the end of the evening he and I swapped phone numbers and from there our friendship grew. Over the next few months we began to spend more and more time together until people started to suspect that there was something larger than friendship brewing. It was true; his funny, witty ways and passion for others had begun to capture my heart - he, of course, realized how funny and witty I was when we first met ;)

Soon enough, we started dating and over the past year and a half I have come to love this man whole heartedly and without condition. He proposed to me on Sunday evening November 23, 2008 at Town Lake; the park overlooks downtown Austin, which reflects in the lake running through the park. It's gorgeous and I will cherish the memory of that evening forever.

Every bit of the proposal was 100% Gerald. We arrived at Town Lake with wine, cheese and crackers in hand. We laughed and took pictures for a while and then Gerald suggested we read the Bible together - Proverbs 18. I read the entire chapter aloud and he looked me in my eyes expressed his heart as it related to verse 22 (He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD). He explained that he was the kind of man who always calculates risk - if he's going to find a new job he will research everything about the company. If he wants to buy a new cologne then he will research the contents, the maker and what others are saying. He always wants to make the best possible decision. He confessed that he had been approaching our relationship in the same manner; that for so long he had been asking God the who, what, when, where and whys of our relationship. He wanted to know all the answers before he popped the question, but because Proverbs 18:22 had been on his heart for the past couple of days he'd begun to realize that he wouldn't always have an answer and that because the Lord had revealed who was to be his wife, he would have to lean on His promise of favor instead of his own abilities and every certainty that had been thrown his way. As he expressed his deep love for me and the excitement he felt when he thought of us being husband and wife, he asked me to be his wife. I said yes immediately, and he gave me a ring from his key chain. I laughed and hugged him - he's always so thoughtful and cute!! When he asked me if I would update my Facebook status I was much less obliging, so he offered to give me something that would fit better. After instructing me to close my eyes, Gerald reached in his bag told me to open my eyes. I was expecting a piece of jewelry with an emerald in it, somthing to signify a promise of proposal but instead there was a beautiful diamond ring - a REAL proposal!!!

I cried...OH LORD DID I CRY! Yes!! was my answer. And there's not much else after that except I am excited to be Mrs. Gerald Bowie :)

I will keep you posted with the wedding plans if we decide against eloping ;)

What am I afraid of...?

I'll tell you exactly what I'm afraid of...Halloween!!!

For the longest time I just have not gotten into the "Halloween Spirit". I don't spend any time pulling together a costume and if I do it's about as thoughtful as putting on some yoga pants and carrying around my mat with the pretense that I am an instructor - clever, eh? I remember one year in elementary school I threw on my mom's robe, a facial mask and haphazardly placed some rollers in my hair and claiming to be a "housewife".

I'm still not sure how accurate that depiction was...

I don't know what it is about the holiday that makes me so unenthusiastic. I guess it's the fact that All Hallows Eve is supposed to be a scary day and people walk around saying "boo" and acting like they're dead, or used to be dead but now they're alive, or are about to be dead, or they hang out with dead people...whatever it is, it's way too much for me. I could have a perfectly sane and fun Halloween experience and then I'll see a one badly made-up zombie and be done - I'm far too sensitive in my spirit to take these kinds of things. I can't even watch The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (the Disney version) without wanting to hide in my room.

The funny thing is, outside of this one day when a select few turn their attention to scaring the daylights out of others, I have lived in a state of perpetual fear for the past 25 years and hadn't realized it. It was finally brought to my attention this past weekend at a women's retreat sponsored by my church - the theme was "Beauty for Ashes: Finding Our Identity in Christ". Our pastor's wife spoke very candidly about her fears - all legitimate - but drove home the fact that if we lived in fear we were NOT living in Christ.

But what am I afraid of? Ghosts and goblins? Well...yes, but not really...

• What if something happens to my house while I'm gone?
• What if something happens to me while I'm asleep?
• What if something happens to my family?
• What if I can't have children?
• What if I lose my job and am homeless?
  
• What if I'm on my way to work and my train crashes or there's an attack on the City and I'm trapped underground for hours and suffocate? (kinda weird, but if I had a dollar for the number of times I've thought through that scenario I'd have enough money to have a personal chauffeur)
• What if I do something wrong and Gerald leaves me?
• And the biggest one of them all...What if I'm excluded, forgotten or unwanted? This one fear has been a huge one for me while I've been in NYC. I would browse photos on Facebook and see so many pics of the good times my friends had without me and feel awful; like I was dead and forgotten.
  

I think if God and I were at dinner and I was just rambling off these questions, He'd sip his tea (in my mind He drinks tea - no sugar) and stare at me intently. Dissecting every one of my fears he'd come back at me with one very pointed question: "Don't you trust me at all?"

I'd sit back, silenced by the honesty and unable to drink the rest of my water (I don't have to make that up - I actually drink water).

Half of me identifies the fear and urges me to rest in the Lord of the universe - but I don't think I know how. The other half of me spits on my shoes and scolds me for being so arrogant as to think He needs help taking care of me - but I don't think I know how to stop.

So what now? Do we sit awkwardly at the table or do I say "Oh...yeah! I guess I do trust you fully and completely!" and move on to the next topic of conversation - I certainly can't have some of Column A while trying all of Column B. And let's face it, a 9ft man has never tried to kill me and I've never had to flee from the most powerful army in the known world. But He did show me mercy by saving my mother, and He's protected me while walking through the streets of Brooklyn at night, He's given me favor with my employer, He's blessed me by giving me a sister, He's restored my trust in men by giving me Gerald and I have never gone without food or shelter. And while my fears of death and abandonment may be legitimate one fact remains...He has stayed with me to this day and has yet to smite me.

I'll probably struggle with this for a while, but I'm going to go ahead and claim victory. When I said yes to Jesus I chose to live a life that honors him and by choosing to live in Christ I am choosing to live in freedom and NOT fear.

SSB

I'm going to tell you something and you may not like it, but my dear friend Katie taught me the value of honesty (with yourself and others) and because of our relationship I find it harder and harder to hide my thoughts and feelings simply because someone else may think they're weird when it's actually just me. So with that being said, I have to tell you that I have a new guilty pleasure...

I downloaded the newest Danity Kane album and I cannot stop listening to it!! There! I said it!

I guess it's my "secret single behavior" (or "SSB" - not that Gerald and I have broken up, but I am single in the sense that I am not married) and I'm sure my love for these girls (among other things) will drive my Gerald crazy when we are married. But to be totally transparent, I've loved these girls since 2005 and my love for DK has only grown stronger. I have both of their albums and I've watched every episode of Making the Band since before they were introduced.

Some of you might be saying "OMG...I thought I was the only one!" while others are saying "OMG...not you too!!" or "I ain't never heard of them hussies!!". Whatever your response, I'm absolutely sure that buying that album has been the best thing I've done all since coming back from Vegas (which was the best thing I'd done since coming back from Hawaii).

Something in the music makes me wanna dance. Makes me wanna swing my hair and pout my lips and rock to a beat only I can make sense of...know what I mean?

I imagine that my alter ego (I think her name is Evan) is the girl they talk about in the song "Bad Girl". Nothing makes me happier than walking down the streets of New York in my nearly-designer clothes listening to a song whose lyrics read "I'm so hot when I walk I leave smoke in my tracks...". I hear those words and trust them to be absolute truth. I just feel like I can conquer the world!!

Perhaps it's just because of my intense connection with music. I've often said that if I had to pick one thing to have for the rest of my life it'd be a radio...hands down. I believe that it's not always the beat or the artist that attracts me, but because I have emotions so deep that my own words cannot express them...so I'll listen to a song - over and over if I have to - to work out whatever it is that's weighing heavy on my heart. Good or bad. Maybe that's why I love musicals so much. Whatever they feel, they sing it right then and right there...

Amelia's Bail Out Plan

Here's what I would do with $700,000,000,000.00

1. Tithe 10% to my church
2. Pay off my mother's house
3. Pay off my mother and sister's cars
4. Pay off my debts (college and credit cards)
5. Pay for my sister's college
6. Set aside money for my wedding
   
7. Buy a place in NYC, Austin, the Pacific Northwest and a tropical location
8. Buy furniture for the houses
9. Buy a car...assuming I need it
   
10. Buy my mom a house in whatever city she wanted (probably Austin though, she likes the city a lot. Right on the lake so she could watch the sun set and drink tea - I'll probably pay all of her bills too)
    
11. Give my mom a monthly budget for stuff (like food and entertainment)
    
12. Set aside money for my children to go to college
13. Fund my friend Katie McClure's hypothetical fashion line
14. Pay for Allison's honeymoon (I work w/her and she figured I could afford it)
15. Buy a new wardrobe for SURE!
16. Fund a cure for AIDS
17. Fund a cure for cancers
18. Give Nathan $1,000,000.00 (I work with him too)
19. Invest in something...not sure what
20. Invest in charities...not sure which ones
    
21. Give books to illiterate children
22. Open a soup kitchen
23. Open a book store
24. Open a bakery
25. Give Karen a house with a big back yard and a garden (I work with her too)
26. Get Karen a personal trainer (just once a week - we're not trying to go overboard here)
    
27. Travel (Backpacking in Europe sounds cool, maybe Asia too)
28. Mission trips - probably live in a few other nations for a while
    
29. Adopt some children (American and otherwise)
    
30. Get a personal trainer
31. Get a personal chef
32. Get a stylist
33. Not that my money would guarantee this, but I'd become friends with Heidi Klum, Chris Brown, Beyonce, Oprah!, Brooke Sheilds, Denzel Washington, Tina Turner, Alicia Keys and some other people
    
34. Produce a movie (probably my friend Lindsey's)
35. Open a dance studio (for my other friend Lindsay)
36. Take creative writing classes
37. Become a venture capitalist (obviously)
    
38. Get a pair of glasses
39. Get lasik
    
40. Go to a movie premier
41. Build a school
42. Get Hannah a Swedish massage in Sweeden, or some tropical location (I work with her too)
43. Invent something/give money to someone who wants to invent things
44. Help re-build New Orleans
45. Go to the moon
46. Go on an underwater excavation mission
47. Try to find dinosaur bones
48. Go cave diving
49. Do extensive research on volcanoes (lots of tropical islands required for this kind of project)
50. Buy a new iPod
51. Buy a new BlackBerry
52. Figure out what the big deal is with Ethanol-powered cars
53. Become a wine connoisseur
54. Buy a franchise
    

I can't really think of anything else to do, and I feel like I can really do all of those things in about a 6 month time period...or at least get the ball rolling. I would stop working for sure, but I would volunteer places.

What would you do?

Tight Body.org - Part Deux!

Have you ever volunteered to have your ass kicked? Yes, I said "ass". Under normal circumstances I am not one to use profane language, however, I am a true believer in levels of beatings and the work out I did tonight can only be classified as an "ass kicking". You see, tonight was my very first visit to Equinox and I was not warned!! Let it be known from here on out, if you cannot tell if your fitness instructor is a man or a woman, you're about to get a serious beating. Let me see if I can describe the situation...

I arrived at Equinox at approximately 6:15pm. It was a full house!! It is Equinox's anniversary and they are throwing a huge membership drive disguised as a celebration. Every gym in the nation is stuffed with ripped out trainers and alcohol - thus enhancing the chance of memberships (the initiation fee alone is $525. $525!!!!!! FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE FRICKIN DOLLARS!!!!). But, as I mentioned in a previous blog I got a free 3 month membership; initiation fee waived - unless I want to sign up sometime between now and Thursday and my fee is actually only $17 (which ain't a big deal. Too bad monthly dues are still $139), so I figured what the hey! Everyone I talk to freaks out when I mention the place, might as well give it a look see. I meet the membership manager and she does her little song and dance and suggests that I take "Powerstrike" at 7 - you know, your typical kickboxing class. I take my stuff to the well stocked women's locker room (includes towels, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, more towels, razors, shaving cream, cotton balls, some more towels, body wash, showers, bathrooms, steam room, even more towels, q-tips, blow dryers, outlets, mirrors and did I mention towels??!!) and skipped up three flights of stairs to the classroom. I mixed myself in with the rest of the potential Powerstrikers and watched the big hand of the clock inch toward the 12, tugging the little hand atop the 7. We flooded the classroom - all 100 of us. Yes, one hundred people in one fitness class. The music began and we all mimicked her (?) steady march - you know, the one that makes you think "ok...I can do this". Then Jab! Jab! Punch! Not bad, I can do that again. Jab! Jab! Punch! Oh! I feel strong now! Jab! Jab! Punch! Wow...I'm gonna look great! Jab! Jab! Punch! OMG! I can't wait to see my delts! Jab! Jab! Punch! Kick! Wait...what???

It continued like this for an hour, combination after brutal combination. Jumping, turning, squatting, kicking, punching and yelling! Oh my lord the yelling! My guess is the only way the regulars get through is by counting down - and for a beginner (who thought the class was only 45 minutes) the frequent count downs helped me keep my sanity. By the time the class was done all of my make up had run off of my face - I think the grunting scared it away. Several people even wiped their sweat from the ground - there was so much that they felt it would prove disastrous if left to stand.

Somehow my legs carried me down the three flights of stairs and into the women's locker room where I proceeded to sit in the steam room for a good 15 minutes. All I can say is thank God I found my way to the subway without passing out, because if I hadn't I would've dropped right outside the doors of the gym only to have paying members step over me and chuckle "First time 'Striker, eh?!"

I hope I'm able to get out of bed in the morning.

Saturday Night Thinking Club

Some random thoughts I had while watching SNL...

I was just thinking...Gerald is the best man I know. Today was a rough day, I found myself feeling particularly low and prone to tears. He suggested seeing a movie so I could get out of the house and stop moping (not mopping...like with water and Pine-Sol), so I looked up what was playing at my local theater. When I called him to say that I was going to head out to the see the show, he asked if I would like to go on a date with him. But how?!?! You might ask...well, he'd simply see the same movie around the same time in Austin. Isn't that just the sweetest thing? He's the best!!!


I was just thinking...Rihanna's songs are confusing. Half the time I find myself making up the words because I can't understand what she's saying. For example my interpretation of the bridge in her latest single Disturbia is...

"Release me from this curse I'm in. Try to be tame but I'm strugglin'. If ya cankle-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hum. Think I'm gonna ay ay ay ay ayyyyy!!"

My good friend Leslie swore up and down for the longest time that she was saying "Gonna stand by myself in my tubesocks!!!" at the end of Don't Stop the Music. And you know what, maybe that's something that they do in Barbados, but I've never been. So if you're reading this Rihanna, I think you're songs are hard to interpret, but I like your haircut and your eye makeup is really cool. Oh, and since you're "good friends" with Chris Brown, would you mind introducing us? Not that I'd ever date him, but when Gimme That came out in 2006, I was convinced that I was the older woman he was talking about. Who knows, maybe he made it to Lubbock and happened to witness the magic that happens when I step on the dancefloor...


I was just thinking...MACs are cool, but PCs are affordable. I mean yes, it's cool to edit art and stuff, but I really only check Facebook, email and play Rollercoaster Tycoon and I don't think I should have to forfeit my rent, electricity and groceries to do those things. Don't get me wrong, I think they're awesome, but for me computers are all about utility and I wouldn't use the features a MAC has in a million lifetimes simply because I have no need for them. I'll stick with my whimpy little HP for now.


I was just thinking...I might be a TV snob. Is it weird that I never got into shows like Felicity, One Tree Hill, Smallville and the like because I thought the qulality of the shows production looked poor? Maybe it was just the way it was filmed. Is it weird that I also don't watch shows like Gossip Girl, Laguna Beach, The Hills and The O.C. because I was sure they were all the same?

Location: Some place you've never heard of or have no desire to visit
Characters: People you should avoid at all cost
Plot: Girl A likes Boy B, but Boy B likes Girl C. Girl C is secretly crushing on Mr. X, the chemistry teacher/professor who happens to be either a [insert illegal/immoral/socially unacceptable action] or a [insert humanitarian or aspirational act/financial amount which speaks to security according to community standards] - either option will make him infinitely attractive because of the possiblity of transformation within himself or the community. Then there's also Boy A who likes Boy B, but can't reveal it until the 5th season because he's [insert high school/college popularity identifier]. Girl B is the glue that keeps them all together. She doesn't know it but she'll either die or contract a serious disease during season 3, which will make all of her friends and family become really introspecitve. Boy C is notoriously bad and gets everything he wants.

Some of the roles may change and there may be some cougars or a witty younger sibling mixed in, but for the most part they are the same. I guess never-ending drama makes me bored.


Does anyone else have this many random thoughts within a span of 20 minutes?

Look Before You Leap

Can I vent for a minute? I'm discovering that people are crazier than I thought!

Tell me this...if a new person started at your office and was new to the city would you, after meeting him/her for the first time, offer them a place to stay at either your or your good friend's home for an indefinite amount of time? I don't think I could ever do that, simply for the fact that I don't know if this person is a sociopath or something and I wouldn't want to be obligated to them in any way or responsible for them if they lacked the gumption to follow through on bills, etc. You can call me crazy, but I would call myself discerning and cautious. That's what this one girl at the office did. This guy started at T3 a few months ago and she, in an effort to extend a friendly hand to an out-of-towner, took him to lunch on his first day and then proceeded to have her friend agree to allow him to stay at his apartment. The lunch I can understand, the squatting I'm not so sure about - I'd need some references or something. Turns out, this guy was perverse and very crude. She later confessed that the more she learned from her friend, the more she wished she had no personal ties to our co-worker. Well...duh! In case you hadn't noticed, people in New York are a strange breed (this is apparent in the fact that many of them are willing to pay $1,500 for an apartment you can barely squeeze a queen sized bed in), not to mention the fact that people aren't becoming more wholesome or pure these days, so you absolutely MUST be choosy about your friends and with whom you associate. If not to protect yourself, at least to protect your reputation (professional and otherwise) - as the saying goes "Show me your friends and I will show you your future".

I wonder if she checks her bank account before going shopping...