I'm on Crack

i think it's been about 12 weeks. 12 weeks since my last perm that is. now here i am - nearly 11 on a sunday night and i'm wondering if i should wash my hair...if you can even call it 'hair' at this point. i really need to do this though. it stinks, i'm sure it's breaking off, it looks dry and i'm pretty sure my friends and co-workers are ashamed of me but i'm completely intimidated by spending the next 2 hours combing and blow drying through my wet hair and then waking up a whole 45 minutes earlier to straighten it with a flat iron. ugh...

that said...my beautician needs to get come back from vacation STAT!

what's crack?

Chop! Chop!

when i lose 50lbs I'm going to cut my hair like this...assuming it's still in style of course.


i will not, however, wear sheer tops in public and so that people see my hooter hider. i love you janet, but that's a very coug-ish move.

just sayin...

But I am le tired...

Today our creative director called in tired ***side eye*** This leaves a few options open for me tomorrow...

1. Call in citing a splinter in my finger
2. Revive my efforts to be sprayed by a skunk so that I may call in stinky

367 Days Later...

G: You are so nosey!
A: What!! I'm just reading your emails... ***kanye shrug***

The Wagon

Do you remember that game Oregon Trail? You know the one...you load up your wagon with miscellaneous people and items and try to make it to Oregon without dying.

Well, if I could compare my weight loss journey to anything it would be the Oregon Trail - except at this point I'm sure I've lost quite a few supplies crossing the river and half of my passengers have died of dysentery and/or snake bites.

I need to get my sh!t together (cussing...bad). I've been talking about weight loss for a few years and haven't put any real effort toward it. Don't believe me? I have blog posts all the way back to - dare I say it - September 2008. GULP!! I've been all talk for the better part of 2 years and ZERO action! So here it is...

I am 5'5" and I weigh 200 lbs. This is the biggest I've EVER been. I want...no NEED...to lose 50 pounds.

This is going to be a huge challenge for me - I've never been one of the skinny girls and I don't hope to be. I've always been "big boned". Never been under a size 8 and I'm ok with that. For me it's not about size (ok...it kinda is). I want to be healthy, I want to look good, I want to feel good, I want to be sexy, I want to shop in any store anywhere and not be afraid that clothes aren't going to fit, I want to have nice lean muscles and a high, perky butt!

Self-imposed 6am work out...I'm coming after you


I can't believe I just put this on the internet. I hope I haven't just ruined my political career

Truth No. 2

This is in response to a blog I read earlier today...I have some thoughts on the subject of the single homegirl. You can read it here if you want some context.

You may think I'm a little biased given the fact I'm married and all, but I do have some qualifications to comment on the single girl's plight...

#1. I had been (until last summer) the single girl/bff for much longer than my junior high school ideal would've preferred

#2. I have seen every episode of SATC at least 5 times

#3. In college my friends and I started a club: "The Fans of the Little Black Dress". We set fire to our dreadful bridesmaid dresses, talked behind the backs of our newly (and nearly) wed pals, rolled our eyes at the ridiculous honeymoon pictures and laughed when they got pregnant "too soon" or couldn't get pregnant at all (I was pretty bitter by the time I reached making fun of pregnancies or lack there of...)

#4. I had a friend in college who was as close as a brother. We counseled each other, laughed, cried (I did most of the crying)...we were becoming adults and it was all together thrilling. Then he got a girlfriend and pulled the plug. I got the stank eye from her more than once and it hurt me deeply - as a matter of fact, it changed all of my relationships. I didn't understand why he wouldn't stick up for me - I had done nothing to her and if anything I was the one with the long standing relationship. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus...then I totally spoke Marsian!!!

See...I have some cred.

Having come out on the other side somewhat un-scathed...the truth in this, for me, is two-fold

#1. You (the bigger person) should respect the new relationship your friend has moved into. This may be a 6-month thing, or a 60 year thing, but if you expect to be around for either, you might need back off a little. Yes! It sucks. Yes! You were there first. But wouldn't you expect the same from your man? I would say it's a rare blessing when a man's best friend and his woman are buddy buddy but in my mind that's an oxymoron; only the love of his life should hold the title of "best friend". Let's be real…we all saw "My Best Friend's Wedding" and "Love and Basketball". You're either setting the stage for disaster or comedic genius!! Either way, someone gets their heart broken and it could be you.

Long story short you might say it's ok now, and on the first or second date when he answers her call but what about the third date? 6 month anniversary dinner? At your wedding? When you're making love? Giving birth? Not ok…she's setting boundaries and you need to respect them.

By in large, I agree that if you have confidence in your relationship, then cause for self doubt should be minimal. But I've discovered that doubt can be like a cancer. It roots itself in one area and then shows it's face elsewhere...no matter how much your friends and loved ones try to encourage you. Confidence is something I -- a happily married, well-employed, well-educated, passport-toting, roof over my head, food on my table, woman of faith -- struggle with daily.

#2. Your real enemy may be the "formula".

Here was mine: seriously dating at 20 (non-Lebron James look alikes need not apply), married to same fellow at 25, baby at 27. I don't think I'm alone in this. When I realized my relationship formula wouldn't work, I developed a career formula -- NYC after graduation, high powered exec by 30. It took moving to Austin, beginning to seriously date previously undesired non-Lebron James look alike boy at 24 and marrying same fellow at 26 to realize there is no formula. Let me say it again…THERE IS NO FORMULA. The formula was my curse; realizing that I was setting myself up for failure in my attempts to follow it exactly was my deliverance. I challenge you to examine yours. I have no doubt that I will set myself up like this again, and on that day, I beg you to remind me of this truth.

And believe me, if you have any level of perception or judgement then your friend's girl probably does too and more than likely sees you as a threat to her formula. Maybe something unsaid, a conversation that lasted too long…whatever. It's got her thinking that to him, you are more than a friend.

Don't misread my words, I'm not saying it's wrong to have dreams…as a matter of fact, I encourage you to dream on single homegirl. Never abandon the desires of your heart for any reason! But always remember, God has ordered your steps. This is part of His plan

P.S. Thank you Deidre for my second truth. It has spoken volumes to me since we first discussed the topic in your living room.

Success is a Job

my husband is in to fragrances.

mens.
womens.
new.
vintage.
mainstream.
niche.
expensive.
cheap.

the man knows his stuff and is willing to "pay for the juice". a recent favorite is a line called bond no. 9 -- an NYC-based perfumer which names it's potions for different parts (or people) of the city.

chinatown.
riverside drive.
andy warhol: union square.
coney island.
west side.
brooklyn.
bleecker street.
central park.

you get the picture...

when he has the time he'll surprise me with a handful of samples from saks -- stuff he's been researching or anticipating the release of for weeks. when he hands over the goods, i usually take the candy-wrapped flasks and stash them in my cosmetics drawer until i'm in a new york state of mind.

most recently gerald and i have been running around like we're on crazy pills, so these leisurely trips to saks for perfume have been few and far in between. i, personally, have been challenged more in the last few weeks than i ever have before...mentally, emotionally, spiritually. from weight loss to taking it to the next level at my job. i'm taking it from all angles here!

long story short, if anyone ever asks you "hey...would you like to have all of your sensibilities bum-rushed at once?" slap them and then slap their mom just for good measure. i'm nearly to a point where i am so exhausted that i look at that light at the end of the tunnel and think...

...nothing...i think nothing. the damn thing is so far away and i curse it for even being there and taunting me with it's presence!! i can't even fathom what's on the other side. what...i dunno...maybe smurfs? dancing smurfs? who wants that anyway? oh, it's not smurfs? it's the world's most enormous, most delicious, fat-free, weight loss inducing cupcake? jokes on you, light! cupcakes are against my religion!!

clearly i'm desperate for relief.

then one day i pulled my cosmetics drawer open and there it was. the newest bond no. 9 fragrance wrapped in orange with silver writing..."andy warhol: success is a job in new york".

success is a job? success is a job? success is a job?

success is a roll out of bed, figure out how not to look like a vagabond, fight traffic, get your coffee, wade through emails, sit in meetings, vent to your best gal pal, send the presentation, so frustrated right now i can't even see straight...job?

i will work at it.
i will not see immediate results.
i will be bruised and embarrassed.
i will be sore and tired.
i will cherish little victories.
i will learn and grow.
i will offer wisdom and advice when i can.
i will succeed.

mental...physical...spiritual success is a job.


p.s. my most sincere apologies for my recent hiatus

Ruined

last night i ruined dinner. i tried to make a chicken version of this southwest tilapia recipe that i learned from the whole foods site.

after i ruined the chicken i came out of the kitchen coughing (b/c of spices in my throat...not smoke) yelling "we need to go out! we need to go out!!" gerald was on the phone w/his bff jejuan but i still asked him if he could go out and pick something up, he nodded...

by yesterday, my 249th day of marriage, i had learned that a nod while on the phone w/jejuan means "i' heard what you said, but...yeah...whatever". even if he did go get some food, he'd come back with 8lbs of meat and call it dinner.

i really hope rudy's doesn't ruin my marriage.

when i came back w/chicken alfredo from carino's gerald was like "i like the chicken parmesan from olive garden w/alfredo sauce instead of tomato sauce. their alfredo is saltier". i gave him a go to hell look really quick, piled his plate high with the dinner i was going to force feed him if i had to and gave him half of the bread.

later he asked me for seconds and i told him to get it himself.

i eventually broke down and brought him a second serving...only after i stole a piece of chicken from his plate.

on to day 250...

2009 -- A Look Back

I'm stealing this idea from my friend and fellow blogger Ashley. I thought it was a great way to recap the year...

I celebrated a very special Valentine's Day with my good friend Taylor in NYC -- we cooked a yummy dinner and drank lots of wine...perhaps too much.


I celebrated my 26th birthday at a yummy restaurant in DUMBO Brooklyn


I found out my best friend was pregnant


I shopped in SoHo, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, played in Central Park and partied the night away all in one NYC Saturday


My best buddies threw me a wedding shower in Dallas and Austin


I married my best friend


My buddies had babies :)


I got a promotion!


It's been a good year and looking back at 2009 I am certain that 2010 will be the best year of my life. :)