Chop! Chop!

when i lose 50lbs I'm going to cut my hair like this...assuming it's still in style of course.


i will not, however, wear sheer tops in public and so that people see my hooter hider. i love you janet, but that's a very coug-ish move.

just sayin...

But I am le tired...

Today our creative director called in tired ***side eye*** This leaves a few options open for me tomorrow...

1. Call in citing a splinter in my finger
2. Revive my efforts to be sprayed by a skunk so that I may call in stinky

367 Days Later...

G: You are so nosey!
A: What!! I'm just reading your emails... ***kanye shrug***

The Wagon

Do you remember that game Oregon Trail? You know the one...you load up your wagon with miscellaneous people and items and try to make it to Oregon without dying.

Well, if I could compare my weight loss journey to anything it would be the Oregon Trail - except at this point I'm sure I've lost quite a few supplies crossing the river and half of my passengers have died of dysentery and/or snake bites.

I need to get my sh!t together (cussing...bad). I've been talking about weight loss for a few years and haven't put any real effort toward it. Don't believe me? I have blog posts all the way back to - dare I say it - September 2008. GULP!! I've been all talk for the better part of 2 years and ZERO action! So here it is...

I am 5'5" and I weigh 200 lbs. This is the biggest I've EVER been. I want...no NEED...to lose 50 pounds.

This is going to be a huge challenge for me - I've never been one of the skinny girls and I don't hope to be. I've always been "big boned". Never been under a size 8 and I'm ok with that. For me it's not about size (ok...it kinda is). I want to be healthy, I want to look good, I want to feel good, I want to be sexy, I want to shop in any store anywhere and not be afraid that clothes aren't going to fit, I want to have nice lean muscles and a high, perky butt!

Self-imposed 6am work out...I'm coming after you


I can't believe I just put this on the internet. I hope I haven't just ruined my political career

Truth No. 2

This is in response to a blog I read earlier today...I have some thoughts on the subject of the single homegirl. You can read it here if you want some context.

You may think I'm a little biased given the fact I'm married and all, but I do have some qualifications to comment on the single girl's plight...

#1. I had been (until last summer) the single girl/bff for much longer than my junior high school ideal would've preferred

#2. I have seen every episode of SATC at least 5 times

#3. In college my friends and I started a club: "The Fans of the Little Black Dress". We set fire to our dreadful bridesmaid dresses, talked behind the backs of our newly (and nearly) wed pals, rolled our eyes at the ridiculous honeymoon pictures and laughed when they got pregnant "too soon" or couldn't get pregnant at all (I was pretty bitter by the time I reached making fun of pregnancies or lack there of...)

#4. I had a friend in college who was as close as a brother. We counseled each other, laughed, cried (I did most of the crying)...we were becoming adults and it was all together thrilling. Then he got a girlfriend and pulled the plug. I got the stank eye from her more than once and it hurt me deeply - as a matter of fact, it changed all of my relationships. I didn't understand why he wouldn't stick up for me - I had done nothing to her and if anything I was the one with the long standing relationship. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus...then I totally spoke Marsian!!!

See...I have some cred.

Having come out on the other side somewhat un-scathed...the truth in this, for me, is two-fold

#1. You (the bigger person) should respect the new relationship your friend has moved into. This may be a 6-month thing, or a 60 year thing, but if you expect to be around for either, you might need back off a little. Yes! It sucks. Yes! You were there first. But wouldn't you expect the same from your man? I would say it's a rare blessing when a man's best friend and his woman are buddy buddy but in my mind that's an oxymoron; only the love of his life should hold the title of "best friend". Let's be real…we all saw "My Best Friend's Wedding" and "Love and Basketball". You're either setting the stage for disaster or comedic genius!! Either way, someone gets their heart broken and it could be you.

Long story short you might say it's ok now, and on the first or second date when he answers her call but what about the third date? 6 month anniversary dinner? At your wedding? When you're making love? Giving birth? Not ok…she's setting boundaries and you need to respect them.

By in large, I agree that if you have confidence in your relationship, then cause for self doubt should be minimal. But I've discovered that doubt can be like a cancer. It roots itself in one area and then shows it's face elsewhere...no matter how much your friends and loved ones try to encourage you. Confidence is something I -- a happily married, well-employed, well-educated, passport-toting, roof over my head, food on my table, woman of faith -- struggle with daily.

#2. Your real enemy may be the "formula".

Here was mine: seriously dating at 20 (non-Lebron James look alikes need not apply), married to same fellow at 25, baby at 27. I don't think I'm alone in this. When I realized my relationship formula wouldn't work, I developed a career formula -- NYC after graduation, high powered exec by 30. It took moving to Austin, beginning to seriously date previously undesired non-Lebron James look alike boy at 24 and marrying same fellow at 26 to realize there is no formula. Let me say it again…THERE IS NO FORMULA. The formula was my curse; realizing that I was setting myself up for failure in my attempts to follow it exactly was my deliverance. I challenge you to examine yours. I have no doubt that I will set myself up like this again, and on that day, I beg you to remind me of this truth.

And believe me, if you have any level of perception or judgement then your friend's girl probably does too and more than likely sees you as a threat to her formula. Maybe something unsaid, a conversation that lasted too long…whatever. It's got her thinking that to him, you are more than a friend.

Don't misread my words, I'm not saying it's wrong to have dreams…as a matter of fact, I encourage you to dream on single homegirl. Never abandon the desires of your heart for any reason! But always remember, God has ordered your steps. This is part of His plan

P.S. Thank you Deidre for my second truth. It has spoken volumes to me since we first discussed the topic in your living room.

Success is a Job

my husband is in to fragrances.

mens.
womens.
new.
vintage.
mainstream.
niche.
expensive.
cheap.

the man knows his stuff and is willing to "pay for the juice". a recent favorite is a line called bond no. 9 -- an NYC-based perfumer which names it's potions for different parts (or people) of the city.

chinatown.
riverside drive.
andy warhol: union square.
coney island.
west side.
brooklyn.
bleecker street.
central park.

you get the picture...

when he has the time he'll surprise me with a handful of samples from saks -- stuff he's been researching or anticipating the release of for weeks. when he hands over the goods, i usually take the candy-wrapped flasks and stash them in my cosmetics drawer until i'm in a new york state of mind.

most recently gerald and i have been running around like we're on crazy pills, so these leisurely trips to saks for perfume have been few and far in between. i, personally, have been challenged more in the last few weeks than i ever have before...mentally, emotionally, spiritually. from weight loss to taking it to the next level at my job. i'm taking it from all angles here!

long story short, if anyone ever asks you "hey...would you like to have all of your sensibilities bum-rushed at once?" slap them and then slap their mom just for good measure. i'm nearly to a point where i am so exhausted that i look at that light at the end of the tunnel and think...

...nothing...i think nothing. the damn thing is so far away and i curse it for even being there and taunting me with it's presence!! i can't even fathom what's on the other side. what...i dunno...maybe smurfs? dancing smurfs? who wants that anyway? oh, it's not smurfs? it's the world's most enormous, most delicious, fat-free, weight loss inducing cupcake? jokes on you, light! cupcakes are against my religion!!

clearly i'm desperate for relief.

then one day i pulled my cosmetics drawer open and there it was. the newest bond no. 9 fragrance wrapped in orange with silver writing..."andy warhol: success is a job in new york".

success is a job? success is a job? success is a job?

success is a roll out of bed, figure out how not to look like a vagabond, fight traffic, get your coffee, wade through emails, sit in meetings, vent to your best gal pal, send the presentation, so frustrated right now i can't even see straight...job?

i will work at it.
i will not see immediate results.
i will be bruised and embarrassed.
i will be sore and tired.
i will cherish little victories.
i will learn and grow.
i will offer wisdom and advice when i can.
i will succeed.

mental...physical...spiritual success is a job.


p.s. my most sincere apologies for my recent hiatus

Ruined

last night i ruined dinner. i tried to make a chicken version of this southwest tilapia recipe that i learned from the whole foods site.

after i ruined the chicken i came out of the kitchen coughing (b/c of spices in my throat...not smoke) yelling "we need to go out! we need to go out!!" gerald was on the phone w/his bff jejuan but i still asked him if he could go out and pick something up, he nodded...

by yesterday, my 249th day of marriage, i had learned that a nod while on the phone w/jejuan means "i' heard what you said, but...yeah...whatever". even if he did go get some food, he'd come back with 8lbs of meat and call it dinner.

i really hope rudy's doesn't ruin my marriage.

when i came back w/chicken alfredo from carino's gerald was like "i like the chicken parmesan from olive garden w/alfredo sauce instead of tomato sauce. their alfredo is saltier". i gave him a go to hell look really quick, piled his plate high with the dinner i was going to force feed him if i had to and gave him half of the bread.

later he asked me for seconds and i told him to get it himself.

i eventually broke down and brought him a second serving...only after i stole a piece of chicken from his plate.

on to day 250...

2009 -- A Look Back

I'm stealing this idea from my friend and fellow blogger Ashley. I thought it was a great way to recap the year...

I celebrated a very special Valentine's Day with my good friend Taylor in NYC -- we cooked a yummy dinner and drank lots of wine...perhaps too much.


I celebrated my 26th birthday at a yummy restaurant in DUMBO Brooklyn


I found out my best friend was pregnant


I shopped in SoHo, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, played in Central Park and partied the night away all in one NYC Saturday


My best buddies threw me a wedding shower in Dallas and Austin


I married my best friend


My buddies had babies :)


I got a promotion!


It's been a good year and looking back at 2009 I am certain that 2010 will be the best year of my life. :)

Side Note...

I'm hoping to have more to blog about soon. Life has been really crazy and I've been super busy w/work and stuff. Hard to sit down and blog when you're that tired at the end of the day. I need to do better...

Rainman

I've been into planning meals recently. So when I go to the grocery store I make sure to #1. Ask Gerald what he wants to eat during the week #2. get enough for the both of us. I keep track mentally of the food items we have in our house

...half a loaf of bread
...parsley, oregano, cilantro and basil flakes...
...bay leaves but no basil leaves
...half a package of provolone, full package of swiss
...turkey, not ham
...4 tilapia filets, 3 boneless skinless chicken breasts

you get the picture...

gerald has been eating the popcorn that i had planned to take w/me to work this week for lunch -- you know...the 100 calorie packs that are just enough for a snack? gerald got shortbread 100 calorie packs. i thought it was clear whose snack was whose. wouldn't you?????

there are 5 popcorn bags to a box. i ate one on sunday night - leaving 4 for the week. i resolved to take an apple the 5th day instead.
gerald ate a pack that same night. now we have 3. i guess i'll have to take 2 apples this week -- good thing i bought 3!
gerald ate 2 other bags yesterday -- now we have 1!!!!!!
i took a bag of popcorn (and an apple) to work today -- now my meal planning is all off

i fussed at him for eating my snack.
he said i was selfish for counting how many bags of popcorn we had.
i explained to him that i was trying to plan our meals b/c it saves money and that if he wants certain things when we go to the grocery store then he needs to speak up!

oh!!! and another thing!!! the counting is involuntary.

I'm not selfish...i just count things!!

On a Whim...

I made the mistake of listening to "Empire State of Mind" tonight and now I'm looking for apts on the island of Manhattan. Should I find myself signing my life away to a cranky old man in the next year I will have my people call Hov's people to see if he can spot me some rent money and pray that I'm not served with a restraining order.

In other news, I'm really in love with Gerald.

Rejuvinate

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue.
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
In the covenant love of Thy crucified Son.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.

Hallelujah!!


I needed that...work has been hard lately. I feel like I can't make it. I need to re-focus. Jesus, every hour I need Thee.

On Purity...

Hi, I need to preface the blog entry you're about to read. You need to know that I believe in being honest at all times, mostly because I'm a terrible liar. On top of that, I've had too many life experiences that have become lessons and for me it's a burden to carry those lessons around and not share them. My intent is to start a conversation, open eyes and hearts.

I'm about to bare my soul, so be kind.

I don't even know where to start, so I think the beginning seems fitting...

When I lost my virginity at 14 I knew I'd done something wrong. I was a "new" Christian at the time, had never had "the sex talk" and was in private school - lots of naivety. The next day I talked to God from my heart. I don't even remember what I said, but I knew my heart was very sorry. I was pretty much in a state of mourning. The first time sex was mentioned I was a freshman in high school dating my first real boyfriend. He gave me a beautifully folded note one afternoon with a condom in it - my mom found the condom and flipped out. Looking back I can understand why she freaked out, but we weren't having sex. So in my personal opinion she should've been a little easier on me - I'll talk to her about that later...

It wasn't until later in high school that I could really be labeled "sexually active" if you can even call it that. I probably had sex a handful of times; every time followed by extreme remorse. I knew I had let someone down, but who? Each time, I would tell my pastor or mentor and they'd pray with me, give me advice...rinse and repeat. Without fail, purity was mentioned each time.

"Amelia preserve your purity! Keep your purity! You have to protect your purity! Don't lose your purity!"

I was showered with verses like 1 Corinthians 10:13 and 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. The verses were always partnered with a knowing look - ya know, the one that says "I think it's obvious why I'm giving this to you...hooch". Perhaps I'm outting myself or being to critical of the people who were trying to help me out, but like I said I had sex a handful of times. I get it - sin is sin and sex once is still sex, but I still think a little explaination was in order. Seriously! What do you mean "no temptation has seized me?" I haven't been seized. I'm not captured. This isn't an uncontrollable need. I'm not tackling people in the halls here. More than anything it's a peer pressure/desire to please others thing - perhaps I was seized by that and not so much sexual immorality. I wasn't a nempho, just naive and insecure...like most teenagers.

Anyway...

By the time I graduated I was all "Oh...snap! Y'all!! I lost my purity! Where did it go?! Have you seen my purity? It was next to my keys on the kitchen island...with my wallet and cell phone"

Is that what was meant by "losing my purity"? Because looking back now, I was very confused.

So, imagine my frame of mind when I got to college. Yeah...not sure how much I need to explain. I think what was even more confusing/hurtful was how my Christian friends seemed to abandon me instead of confronting me, being honest with me, holding me accountable and explaining how my general impurity (not the sex thing) affected me AND the Kingdom.

So now I'm married and I'm wondering what's left of my "purity"? Because according to high school youth pastor it was gone the minute I lost my virginity.

Do you see how I'm confused?

Now take a moment and think of what non-Christians think when the Jonas Brothers say their purity rings mean they'll save themselves for marriage. Now, I'm no expert, but at this point I'm fairly certain that purity is not not doin the do. I want to say that it's got to be an attitude of the heart.

Frustrating. What is purity? When I hear the word, I only think of it in the context of sex

Thoughts?

Whoopsie...

So I was supposed to update my blog over Labor Day weekend, but obviously it didn't happen. I think it's because I spend so much time tweeting - which is just a platform to broadcast all your random thoughts to the world...and let's face it! I have a lot of them.

Thus my hiatus from le blog...

So what's new? Not too too much, I got a fancy gym membership. I've gone a few times and I'll be honest, I enjoy the workouts. I think more than that I enjoy the thought that I could be skinny. I even bought an iPod Shuffle - because I don't have enough "i-Stuff". It's green. I named him (yes, him) Little Bitty Guy. I can see it now...40lbs lighter. Lil Bitty Guy by my side. He'll be there with me through it all. My greatest supporter - perhaps we'll even make appearances on the red carpet

In other news, I went home sick today. Some time around 10am I started to feel like I was gonna spew. I tried to hold on, but by noon I had decided to go home at 3. By 12:01 I decided to go home immediately. I called Gerald and he was there by 1pm. We got home and he got me some Pepto and miraculously I was all better. I think I will take it to work with me tomorrow.

It's a good thing that it was just a stomach bug/weird thing because I now spend about 25% of my time wondering if I'm pregnant. How come no one told me that this would happen when I got married? Anyway, I named my ailment my "Flu Baby". I hope it's more flu than baby. Actually, I hope it's neither

I think I will get dressed for work tomorrow. You know, dressed!! As if I have a decent job and some sense.

I'm so lazy...

Dear Meagan

Meagan (and anyone else), I promise I will update my blog this weekend. Here is my agenda:

1. Brief Shopping Addiction
2. New Gym Membership
3. Anything Else You Suggest (b/c honestly I got nothin else)

Varatip

My best friend Varatip is having a baby. I found this out on 4/13. I found out today that she's having a boy. I can't wait to meet him.

I even cried a little at my desk. I love him so much already.

Letters to My Grandchildren

I've decided to start writing letters to my hypothetical grandchildren. With all the things that have happened in the past week, I just feel like there's way too much going on these days not to document it for hypothetical people. I can't wait to for them to get a glimpse of my life...I hope they don't think I'm a silly grandma.

But they probably will...

MADE!!

My sweet hubster bought me an iPhone today. And while I totally believe that he is wonderful and sweet this new little buddy has re-ignited my love for all things iPod-ish; particularly the music part...which is where it all began.

To prove that the flame had been rekindled I chose to listen to every song on the "Hairspray" soundtrack as loud as humanly possible. Not sure why he was shooting me such mean looks though - perhaps I was singing "Big, Blonde and Beautiful" too loud

I hope this doesn't mean he won't support me should I decide to persue a career on Broadway...at 26.

Whether he will or won't support me (I'm sure he will - but not in the obsessive, t-shirt with your face on it kind of way), I've decided to start taking lessons at the dance studio down the street from our apartment. Partly because I feel like it would be a great way to lose weight but mostly because I promised myself that I'd take ballroom dance lessons when I graduated college and I have yet to step on a dancefloor when the Ying Yang Twins or Britney Spears wasn't playing.

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AMELIA!!!

I'm excited :)

Hot Sunday

I've decided to lose 40 lbs...



I promise I will not wear a thong leotard...

Determined...

Nothing much has happened lately but I am determined to keep my blog interesting and updated!!!

For the Intellectuals...
I am currently reading "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel García Márquez. I am enjoying this book. And even though I'm only 50-something pages in I totally understand why people love this author. My only concern is the number of times I've laughed in during this so called "romance"; but considering the happenings so far, I'm fairly certain that this is the appropriate reaction at this point in the novel. And actually, looking back at my dating relationship with Gerald, our reactions to each other were pretty funny - still are actually.

For the Chefs...
I'm really getting into cooking these days. And I mean like fancy foods with garnishes and marinades. The kind that you want to take your time to chew b/c you don't want to miss a single flavor. I don't know what came over me during my engagement to Gerald, but suddenly I became obsessed with being a wife. I wanted to know everything about cooking, cleaning...really just taking care of a home in general. This is strange because I never really cared before. I guess it all hit me when I first registered at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I walked in the store, grabbed my scanner and went to work. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that a kitchen was not a kitchen without a lemon zester...I never turned back...

Last week I made sauteed shrimp with tropical salsa. Gerald said it was restaurant worthy and I humbly agree...it was the bomb y'all. I'll add my recipe ASAP!

Other than that nothing out of the ordinary has happened in all these three weeks of marriage. One thing is for certain, Gerald and I are having a ton of fun. I've always been the kind of person who preferred to live alone because of my never-ending list of SSBs but it turns out that Gerald is really accepting of my quirks and kind of embraces them. I end up laughing at my self usually - he does such a good impression of me even though in his mind I sound like a horse...