See Me After Class...

You ever wonder what it would be like if God were your teacher? I know God is already a teacher in so many ways, but I mean a different kind. The paper-grading, eyeglass-wearing, quirky sense of humor-having kind of teacher.

You ever wonder what His lesson plan for you looks like? I do. And I wonder how many times He's had to go over those lessons with me and if I'm making any progress. For instance, today we went over one of His favorites and I wish I could say that it only took a few minutes for me to grasp the concept, but I'm sure we've been reviewing it for the past week. He's at the board teaching His heart out surrounded by a cloud of chalk dust and I'm sitting here putting on lip gloss and passing notes.

It all started last week. I was talking to Gerald one night and it all just hit me. I can't say exactly what "it" was, probably a combination of things. Work, distance, fear, frustration, friends, family, pressure, the list went on. I started to cry. He tried to help me through it, he was patient and said just the right things, but for some reason I couldn't be appeased. The next day I went to work feeling heavy - the sort of heaviness that you feel when your spirit is weighed down. This happened pretty much every day until today. If it wasn't one thing then it was another. Even getting to church on Sunday caused strife! Then Tuesday 5/26 came around. Work was normal - an influx of projects, all with tight deadlines; nothing I hadn't dealt with before. It wasn't until after work that the "real" problems began.

It was getting late and all I really wanted to was go home, but I knew if I took work home with me I wouldn't actually do it so I stayed around to finish up - either way, it's cool to stay until it's a little dark because I have the BEST view of the Empire State Building from my office. Definitely worth the extra hour to experience that. Doooown the elevator, into the GAP (5th Ave is going to be a problem for me) and to the subway. I had had trouble over the weekend with my MetroCard, so I figured I'd make the attendant work a little this evening to get it all fixed. Turns out there was nothing that could be done about the mishap and I couldn't get a refund. My throat tightened. I couldn't tell if I was fighting tears or the urge to yell. Quietly, I walked over to the card vending machine to purchase a new pass. But my card wasn't working. I tried the other machine and still nothing.

Is this machine taking credit cards?
Yes.
Ok, I'll try again.

I must've tried 20 more times. Still nothing. I stomped up the stairs to call and complain to Gerald about the whole thing and the absolute tragedy it was to have to go get cash from an ATM 2 whole blocks away (OH THE HORROR!!). Finally, I bought my new card and went to wait for the train. After a few minutes I felt the stinky, hot breeze on my face and knew I was just 30 minutes from home. The doors opened, exhausted I found a seat on the near empty car as the doors shut. Took a look around and started to go to my happy "I don't have to worry about traffic or diving" place; it was at that moment I realized that I was on the wrong train. It pulled away from the station as a defeated sigh escaped my lips.

I switched trains at the next stop and was finally home free. I called Gerald after I got off. It was at that moment that the Lord's lesson plan finally became clear...

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
~Psalm 118:24

So fundamental...

It's so easy for me to get caught up in the moment and what's going wrong at that very moment and neglect the big picture. I have to force myself to remember that it's the same God and the same plan - good or bad. Always has been and always will be. And I am so thankful that He doesn't get frustrated and smite me, because I know He's shown me that lesson before. I'm even more grateful that He isn't a paper-grading, eyeglass wearing, quirky sense of humor-having teacher because I know my tests would come back with a huge F and a little note that says "I know you can do better than this. See me after class."